Holiday Party Festivity Levels

Holiday Party Festivity Levels
Level I: Your guests are conversing quietly, nibbling at their hors d'oerves, and sipping their drinks. Later, some of the guests gather by the piano to sing carols while others admire the ornaments on your tree.
Level II: Your guests are talking loudly, wolfing hors d'oerves, and drinking from the bottles. Some people gather by the piano to sing "I Gotta Be Me" while others begin rearranging your ornaments.
Level III: Your guests are arguing wildly among themselves, those that haven't passed out from the upside-down margaritas. One person is singing "I Can't Get No Satisfaction," which can barely be heard over the sound of breaking ornaments. A small group of guests begin placing hors d'oerves in the piano to see what happens when the little hammers strike.
Level IV: Your guests, hors d'oerves smeared over their naked bodies, are performing a ritualistic dance around the burning Christmas tree. The piano is missing.
In general, you want to keep your party around Level III, unless you rent your home, have insurance, and are carrying firearms. The quickest way to get to Level III is egg-nog.

Fancy Plate

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a huge fancy chrome plate. He asks the waiter, "What's with the fancy plate?" The waiter replies, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"

Christmas Wish

Little Timmy sends a letter to Santa that says, "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas." Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy, Send me me your mommy."