Who Would You Trust?

Q: If you were out in the woods, who would you trust for directions? An in-tune tenor sax player, an out-of-tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus?
A: The out-of-tune sax player! You were hallucinating the other two.

The Twelve Bugs of Christmas

For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me, See if they can do it again. For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to me, Ask them how they did it and See if they can do it again. For the third bug of Christmas, my manager said to me, Try to reproduce it. Ask them how they did it and See if they can do it again. For the fourth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me, Run with the debugger, Try to reproduce it. Ask them how they did it and See if they can do it again. For the fifth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me, Ask for a dump. Run with the debugger, Try to reproduce it. Ask them how they did it and See if they can do it again. For the sixth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me, Reinstall the software, Ask for a dump, Run with the debugger, Try to reproduce it. Ask them how they did it and See if they can do it again. For the seventh bug of Christmas, my manager said to me, Say they need an upgrade, Reinstall the software, Ask for a dump, Run with the debugger, Try to reproduce it, Ask them how they did it and See if they can do it again. For the eighth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me, Find a way around it, Say they need an upgrade, Reinstall the software, Ask for a dump, Run with the debugger, Try to reproduce it, Ask them how they did it and See if they can do it again. For the ninth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me, Blame it on the hardware, Find a way around it, Say they need an upgrade, Reinstall the software, Ask for a dump, Run with the debugger, Try to reproduce it, Ask them how they did it and See if they can do it again. For the tenth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me, Change the documentation, Blame it on the hardware, Find a way around it, Say they need an upgrade, Reinstall the software, Ask for a dump, Run with the debugger, Try to reproduce it, Ask them how they did it and See if they can do it again. For the eleventh bug of Christmas, my manager said to me, Say it's not supported, Change the documentation, Blame it on the hardware, Find a way around it, Say they need an upgrade, Reinstall the software, Ask for a dump, Run with the debugger, Try to reproduce it, Ask them how they did it and See if they can do it again. For the twelfth bug of Christmas, my manager said to me, Tell them it's a feature, Say it's not supported, Change the documentation, Blame it on the hardware, Find a way around it, Say they need an upgrade, Reinstall the software, Ask for a dump, Run with the debugger, Try to reproduce it, Ask them how they did it and See if they can do it again.

Insulting at Christmas

How to be Insulting at Christmas: Refuse to give any guests a drink, on the grounds that it's for their own good not to drink and drive. Have plenty of soft drinks to offer them though. Then pour yourself a large Scotch, on the grounds that you aren't going anywhere and don't have to worry.