Siri Halloween

Apple user: Siri, what should I be for Halloween?
Siri: You should dress up as chap stick and tell people you're "the balm"

Christmas Surprise

My boyfriend doesn't know this, but I put a dollar in an envelope every time I orgasm during sex. That's all I'm spending on him for Christmas.
So far, his roommate is getting an Xbox Series X. He's getting nothing.

Mystery Sender

Merry Christmas and Happy Ho idays to friends and  oved ones c ose and far. We  ove you a  , b essings to you and yours this yu e season.
Q: Who sent the above greeting?
A: Noel