Hemorrhoid Bath

My oldest daughter went to the doctor because she had hemorrhoids. She came home and followed his orders. Later that day I asked her what that smell was and she said, "The doctor told me to take a sh*t bath." I said, "Girl it's a sitzs bath!"

Barrack Inspection

The Master Chief was inspecting the barracks and he overheard one terrified recruit whisper, "Master Chief Barnes has the heart of a tiny child...on his desk...in a jar." Without missing a beat, Master Chief Barnes snarled, "Goddamned if they don't find out EVERY little thing about you!"

Knock Knock - Thumpin

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Thumpin!
Thumpin who?
Thumpin green and slimy is climbing up your back!