Hemorrhoid Bath

My oldest daughter went to the doctor because she had hemorrhoids. She came home and followed his orders. Later that day I asked her what that smell was and she said, "The doctor told me to take a sh*t bath." I said, "Girl it's a sitzs bath!"

Autobiography

I've heard a witch is writing a tell all book about her life.
Warts and all.

Barrack Inspection

The Master Chief was inspecting the barracks and he overheard one terrified recruit whisper, "Master Chief Barnes has the heart of a tiny child...on his desk...in a jar." Without missing a beat, Master Chief Barnes snarled, "Goddamned if they don't find out EVERY little thing about you!"