You Might Be A Redneck 50

You might be a redneck if...

• You think cur is a breed of dog.
• People hear your car long before they see it.
• Your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.
• Your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.
• Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
• Your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.
• Your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".
• You've ever hitchhiked naked.
• You're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
• Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

Finals Prayer

Now I lay me down to study, I pray the Lord I won't go nutty. If I should fail to learn this junk, I pray the Lord I will not flunk. But if I do, don't pity me at all, just lay my bones in the study hall. Tell my prof I did my best, then pile my books upon my chest. Now I lay me down to rest and pray I'll pass tomorrow's test. If I should die before I wake, that's one less test I'll have to take.

Blonde Career

Q: What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college?
A: "Would you like fries with that?"