Cooking With The Bible

Newlyweds Kaitlyn and Brandon were having an argument about who should brew the coffee. Brandon said, "You're in charge of cooking, so you should do it." Kaitlyn replied, "No, you should do it because it says in the Bible that the man makes the coffee." Brandon was shocked to hear this and asked his beautiful new blonde wife to show him the passage. Full of excitement, Kaitlyn ran to the Good Book to prove for the first time how wrong her new husband was. She opened the Bible and pointed to where it said: "HEBREWS"

Back To Back Lovemaking

Robinson came home in great excitement and said to his wife, "You'll never believe it, dear, but I've discovered an entirely new position for lovemaking." "Really," said Mrs. Robinson, interested at once. "What is it?" "Back to back." "But that's crazy. We can't do anything back to back." "Yes we can. I've persuaded another couple to help out."

Deep Thoughts Pt. 2

• Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
• If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea to say, "I swallowed it. So sue me."
• I bet the one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.
• I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.
• When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
• If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
• What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know.
• We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.