Top 10 Key Insights

1. The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient.
2. My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.
3. I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out..?”
4. The speed with which a woman says "nothing" when asked "What's wrong?" is inversely proportional to the severity of the s__t storm that's coming.
5. Denny's has a slogan, 'If it's your birthday, the meal is on us.'   If you're in Denny's and it's your birthday... Your life sucks!
6. The pharmacist asked for my birthday again today.   Pretty sure she's going to get me something.
7. On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year.  This is very upsetting news to me.  I had no idea I was Japanese.
8. I can't understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
9. What is it about a car that makes people think we can't see them pick their noses?
10. When I die I want to be reincarnated as a spider, just so I can finally hear a woman say,  “ Oh my God, it's huge!"

Cheese Bits

Q: What do you call the remnants of blown up cheese?
A: DeBrie.

Plumber Yoga

Q: Did you hear about the new yoga pose for plumbers?
A: It's called the 'toilet' and it's all about the way U-bend.