Call The Doctor

A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What happened to your ears?" He says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron." The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?" He says, "Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!"

Geek Booty Call - Phaser

If you were a phaser, you'd be set on "stunning."

Instant Please

Q: Why do Jihadist Muslims only drink instant coffee?
A: 'Cause they hate the French press.