Eat Your Corn Flakes

Mommy, Mommy! Where have all your scabs gone?
Shut up and eat your corn flakes.

Curing a Cough

The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what’s up. "He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn’t find the cough syrup," the clerk explains. "So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at once." "Laxatives won’t cure a cough, you idiot," the owner shouts angrily. "Sure it will," the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall. "Look at him. He’s afraid to cough."

Grosser Than Gross

Q: What's grosser than gross?
A: When you throw your underwear and it sticks to the wall.
Q: What's grosser than that?
A: When you come back an hour later and it's moved up three feet