You Know You're In A Bad Church When..

You know you're in a bad church when
10. The church bus has gun racks.
9. The church staff consists of Senior Pastor, Associate Pastor and Socio-pastor.
8. The Bible they use is the "Dr. Seuss Version."
7. There's an ATM in the lobby.
6. Choir wears leather robes.
5. Worship services are B.Y.O.S. -- "Bring Your Own Snake."
4. No cover charge, but communion is a two-drink minimum.
3. Karaoke Worship Time.
2. Ushers ask, "Smoking or Non-smoking?"
1. The only song the organist knows is "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida."

Been In College Too Long...

• You consider McDonald's "real food."
• You actually like doing laundry at home. 4:00 AM is still early on the weekends.
• It starts getting late on the weeknights.
• Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.
• You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it.
• You'd rather clean than study.
• Half the time you don't wake up in your own bed and it seems normal.
• Computer Solitaire is more than a game, it's a way of life.
• You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps.
• You know the pizza boy by name.
• You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark.
• You live for getting mail. (E-mail included)
• Prank phone calls become funny again.
• Wal-Mart is the coolest store.
• World War III could take place and you'd be clueless.
• You start thinking and sounding like your roommate.
• Black lights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth.
• Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime.
• You find out milk crates have so many uses.
• The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday (or Wednesday morning to Tuesday night).

Vikings And Opossums

Q: What do the Vikings and opossums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!