Moth Inspector

A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed. After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains. He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there. "Who the hell are you?" he yells. The naked guy replies, "I'm the moth inspector." "Oh, yeah? What are you doing naked?" He looks down and exclaims, "Oh my God, I'm too late!"

12 Perks of Being a Female

1. We can get a day off from male bosses just by hinting at "female trouble."
2. When we buy a vibrator, it's sexy. When men buy a blow-up doll, it's pathetic.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We get free drinks just for showing up.
5. Condoms don't make us lose sensation.
6. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
7. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
8. We can talk to men without picturing them naked.
9. Occasionally, chocolate really can solve all our problems.
10. Gay men don't make us uncomfortable, unless they're better dressed than we are.
11. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
12. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

Face to Face

Person 1: "Hey, how's your face feeling?"
Person 2: "Fine. Why?"
Person 1: "Because it's killing me!"