12 Perks of Being a Female

1. We can get a day off from male bosses just by hinting at "female trouble."
2. When we buy a vibrator, it's sexy. When men buy a blow-up doll, it's pathetic.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We get free drinks just for showing up.
5. Condoms don't make us lose sensation.
6. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
7. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
8. We can talk to men without picturing them naked.
9. Occasionally, chocolate really can solve all our problems.
10. Gay men don't make us uncomfortable, unless they're better dressed than we are.
11. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
12. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

Face to Face

Person 1: "Hey, how's your face feeling?"
Person 2: "Fine. Why?"
Person 1: "Because it's killing me!"

Lincoln Booty Call - Splitter

Don't you want to know why they call me "The Rail Splitter?"