Plane's Terrorist

A cargo plane is in mid-flight over the ocean when suddenly the cockpit door bursts open to reveal an armed, masked hijacker to a startled pilot, copilot, navigator, and a passenger. The passenger happens to be George W Bush. (Why? Maybe, he was on his way to check on the coca plant life in South America!") The masked gunman held a gun to the pilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill your brains all over the place." The pilot calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "Look buddy, if you shoot me this plane will crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us." The hijacker thought about it, then held the gun to the copilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place." The copilot also calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "Listen to me. The pilot's got a bad heart and he could keel over at the shock of my being killed. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us." The hijacker thought about it for a moment and then held the gun to the navigator's head and repeated, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place." The navigator calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you. Those other two guys have no sense of direction. Without me they couldn't find their way out of a paper bag much less get this plane to Iraq. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us." The hijacker thought some more, shrugged and this time held the gun to the passenger's head and demanded, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place." No one said a word, at first, then the pilot, co-pilot, and navigator all burst into laughter. "He's George W Bush!" they laughed. "He doesn't have any brains!"

If Men Ruled The Sports World

• Once a year, you could gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets and go pillage a nearby town.
• The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football From a Different Camera Angle."
• The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers' mascot.

Laws And Observations

• First Law of Bicycling: No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
• First Law of Procrastination: Procrastination shortens the job and places the responsibility for its termination on someone else (i.e., the authority who imposed the deadline).
• First Law of Socio-Genetics: Celibacy is not hereditary.
• First Rule of History: History doesn't repeat itself; historians merely repeat each other.
• Flo Capp's Observation: The next best thing to doing something smart is not doing something stupid.
• Flon's Law: There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is the least bit difficult to write bad programs.
• Flucard's Corollary: Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet.