Food For Thought

• "If we don't change the direction we're going, we're likely to end up at the wrong end."
• "People who go out of their way to help others have great taste."
• "An eye for an eye leaves everybody blind, but not hungry."
• "Don't give up though the pace seems slow, you may succeed at another morgue."
• "A journey of a hundred trillion cells begins with a single nibble."
• "The only difference between a big shot and a little shot is that the big shot takes longer to chew."
• "It's all right to have little butterflies in your stomach. In fact, I'd say a trip to the elementary school play is a wonderful idea."
• "You don't know what your appetite can get away with until you try. Or are tried."
• "If you carry your childhood with you, you should probably go the bathroom soon."
• "Never keep up with Joneses. Have them over for dinner."
• "Let your hook always be cast. In the pool where you least expect it, will be a very startled swimmer."

Great School Humor

• "I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book." -- Groucho Marx 1890-1977
• This reminds me of the student who began his Middle Ages story with: "He was a dark and stormy knight...."
• In a survey taken several years ago, all incoming freshman at MIT were asked if they expected to graduate in the top half of their class. Ninety-seven percent responded that they did.
• Q: What's the difference between a teacher and a train? A: The teacher says "Get that gum out of your mouth", where as the train says "Chew, Chew. " 
• "The reason that every major university maintains a department of mathematics is that it is cheaper to do this than to institutionalize all those people." 

Corporate Pickup Line

I'll try not to get any human resources on you.