911 Advice

Q: What did the 911 operator say to the caller dangling from window ledge?
A: She told him to please hold.

I'm a Professional

I won't laugh, said the nurse. "I'm a professional. In over 15 years of working here, I've never laughed at a patient." "Okay, then," Said Randy, and he proceeded to drop his pants revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen. In length and width, it was almost identical to a AA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to suppress a laugh, but it just came out. Feeling very bad at laughing at the mans part she composed herself as best she could. "I'm very sorry," she said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor, as a nurse and a lady, I promise that won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?"
"Its swollen," Randy replied.
She ran out of the room.

Ponderings Collection 34

• Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
• Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
• How come abbreviated is such a long word?
• If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
• Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
• Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
• Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
• If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
• When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!
• Do fish get cramps after eating?