Harvard Grad Off Your Porch

Q: How do you get a Harvard graduate off your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

Ordering Fries

I walked into McDonald's and asked for fries. The woman at the counter said, "Would you like fries with that?"
 

Redneck Groceries

If your wife asks you to get some groceries, and you put on camoflage and grab a shotgun, you might be a redneck.