Poker

One night a boy wakes up and goes into his parents room and they're having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says "we're playing poker" and the mother says "And I'm his partner." He then goes into his grandparents room and asks what they're doing. The grandfather says "We're playing poker" and the grandmother says "and I'm his partner." He then goes into his brothers room and he's wanking. He asks what he's doing. The brother says "I'm playing poker." The other brother asks why he doesn't have a partner and the brother replies, "You don't need a partner if you have a good hand!"

Almost Lost Mom

Little Billy came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home, Billy mentioned, "Dad, our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs like that?" His father, thinking quickly, said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven." "Gee Dad, that's great," said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad! Dad, we almost lost Mom today!" "What do you mean?" asked his father. "Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom, flat on her back with her legs in the air, screaming, 'Jesus, I'm coming! I'm coming!' If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down, we'd have lost her for sure!"

Learning to Pick Up Toys

Dad: Look at this room. It's a mess. When will our kids start picking up toys?
Mom: When they have kids!