First Night Back

One of my first evenings back from overseas, my girl's understanding parents left us alone in the living room. We talked for a short while but then things got hot. In the midst of a kiss, I noticed her little sister in her nightgown watching us from the doorway. "If you'll be a good girl and go to bed, I'll give you a quarter," I said to her. Without taking the bribe or saying a word, she ran off but soon was back again.
"Here is a dollar," she said. "I wanna watch."

Mystery Meat

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.
The dad said, "Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes."
The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat it. It's an asshole!"

Poker

One night a boy wakes up and goes into his parents room and they're having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says "we're playing poker" and the mother says "And I'm his partner." He then goes into his grandparents room and asks what they're doing. The grandfather says "We're playing poker" and the grandmother says "and I'm his partner." He then goes into his brothers room and he's wanking. He asks what he's doing. The brother says "I'm playing poker." The other brother asks why he doesn't have a partner and the brother replies, "You don't need a partner if you have a good hand!"