Lost and Found

Buried my grandmother in the wrong plot.
That was a grave mistake.

Beaver's Tongue

Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, "Whats that?" She says, "Well, it's a beaver, Johnny."
The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says, "Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out."

Jewish Grandma

A little old Jewish grandmother gives directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife:
"You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 3A. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 3A. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 3. When you get out, I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all those buttons with my elbow?"
"You're coming empty-handed?