Name Change

When I was growing up my parents used to tell me that I can be anyone I wanted. 
Now the police call that Identity theft.

Cow Gives Birth

A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 11-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, "Great... he's 11 and now I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer." After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?" "Just one Dad," gasped the still wide-eyed lad. Just as the father is preparing his birds and bees story, his son asks  - "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"

Sheep Oh My

A farmer finds a man 'doing it' with one of his sheep and a little boy watching. He walks up to the boy and asks, "Who's that screwing my sheep?" The boy replies, "That's my Daa-aa-aad."