Restroom

Baby Jim: Mommy, does God use our toilet?
Mom: No Jim, what made you ask?
Baby: Every morning, Daddy goes up to the toilet and says: "Oh God! Are you still in there!

Cornflakes

Two twins returned home each with a letter from there teachers explaining they had been using extremely bad language and not to come to school. The next day when the twins each gave there dad the letter he gave them a hiding and sent them to bed. The next morning the twins got up "what do you want for breakfast" asked their dad to which one of the twins replied "I'll have some of those fuckin' thangs" his dad immediately gave the twin a spanking and sent him to bed. "Now what do you want for breakfast" the dad asked to the other twin. Well I won't have any of those fuckin thangs that's for sure" the twin replied.

I Screwed Your Mom

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and has a drink. Suddenly, a man hollers at him, ''I screwed your mom last night!'' Disturbed, the man tries to ignore him. Again, he hears, ''Your mom was good in bed last night!'' Again, he tries to ignore it. The man is just about to speak again but the guy stops him and says, ''Dad, go home, you're drunk!''