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Ethnic / Country Jokes

Polish Plane Landing
Polish Air Lines flight 113 was descending for a landing at an airport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out the windshield and suddenly exclaimed to the copilot, "Holy cow! Look how short the runway is! I've never seen one that short!" The copilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! you`re right! That`s incredible! Are you sure we can make it?" "Well we better, we 're almost out of fuel." So the captain got on the intercom and notified the passengers to put their heads between their knees and prepare for an emergency landing. Then he set the flaps to full down and slowed the plane to just over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on the ragged edge of control. The pilot`s hands were sweating, the copilot was praying. They touched down and came screeching to a halt JUST before the edge of the runway, the tires smoking. "WHEW! That was CLOSE!" yelled the captain. "That runway was SHORT!" "Yeah!" said the copilot, "and WIDE too!"
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How to Speak Southern
How to talk native SOUTHERN in one easy lesson
- Aig - What a hen lays
- Aints - He's got aints in his paints
- Paints - What cha put on your laigs of a mornin
- Arn - Ma's tard of arnin
- Bag - He bagged her to marry him
- Bobbed - A bobbed wire fence
- Bresh - He had a bresh with the law, and the law won.
- Bub - the light bub burned out
- Cheer - What you set in
- Crick - A small stream
- Clum - He sure clum that tree fastern any 'coon
- Chiny - country over in Asia
- Chuch duds - Sunday go-to-meetin clothes
- Core - He got hisself a new Ford core
- Cyow - Animal on Farm
- Deppity - He helps out the shurf
- Dribbed - He dribbed milk on his shirt
- Dainz - Satidy night social
- Ellum - A graceful tree
- Fanger - What you put your rang on
- Faince - Whats round the hawg lot
- Far - What get the brandin arn hot
- Furred - He got furred from his job
- Flar - A rose is a purdy flar
- Frash - Them aigs ain't frash
- Furiners - All non-'bamans
- Further - Hits ten miles further to town
- Grain - She was grain with envy
- Hail - Where bad folks go
- Hep - Poor George, he can't hep it, he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.
- Hern - It aint hern, it's his'n
- Hilbilly - People in the next county
- Hollar - Whats between the hills
- Hardhand - Got a brend new hardhand
- Tar - His core blew a tar
- Laymun - A sour fruit
- Laig - Most folks have two of them
- Lather - What you climb up
- Liberry - Where you go to check out books for larnin
- Mailk - what you get from cyows
- Mere - What you see your self in
- Minners - Live bait
- Misrus - Married Woman
- Nar - Opposite of wide
- Nayk - Your head sets on it
- Nup - No
- Orrel - Them hinges need orrel
- Ormy - What the sojers go in
- Pank - A light red color
- Parch - Sit out on the parch and watch the grass grow
- Petition - What separate the rooms
- Poke - A paper bag or sack
- Pokey - What the shurf and deppity puts crimnals in Poke
- Salit - A green vegetable
- Puppet - What the preacher is in
- Purdy - She is purdy as a pitcher
- Purt near - Almost; he purt near caught that greased pig
- Rang - You wear it on your fanger
- Rut - That there tree sure has long ruts
- Rah cheer - I was born rah cheer in town
- Rainch - A big cow farm
- Rat - Do it rat now!
- Rench - Rench the soap yourself
- Roont - She plum roont her shoes
- Salary - A stringy vegetable
- Soardeens - Small canned fish
- Shar - A light rain
- Gully Worsher - A medium heavy rain
- Toad strangler - A heavy rain
- Sody Pop - A soft drink
- Sprang - Water out'n the ground
- Shurf - The Shurf put Clem in jail
- Storch - This here aprn has to much storch in it
- Skeered - that plumb skeered me to death
- Thanks - He shore thanks he's smart
- Tho - Tho me the ball
- Thoat - I shore got a sore thoat
- War - A bobbed war fance
- Worsh - Go worsh your face
- Warter - What you worsh your face in
- Yurp - A continent overseas
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Plant Your Potatoes
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply,
"For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!!"
At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
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