Legion Camel #3

A new lieutenant in the French Foreign Legion arrives at an isolated base in Algeria. As a corporal shows him is quarters, he asks the corporal, "The base is rather isolated, what do the men do for female companionship?" The corporal replies, "On Fridays, they let us use the camels." The lieutenant can't believe it. On Friday, he stands around the camel pen to see what happens. Suddenly, he hears the camp bugler blow a charge on his horn. The ensuing chaos was amazing... men from all over the camp descended on the camel pens like Huns attacking a village. Out of the swarm of men, the lieutenant sees the same corporal he met on his first day. He grabs the man by the arm. The corporal shouts, "Let me go! Let me go!" "Good God man," said the lieutenant. There are 200 men here and 500 camels. What's your hurry?" The corporal replied, "I don't want to get stuck with an ugly one!"

Sex Stats

A marketing manager boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange hellos and he notices she's reading a report about sex. He asks her about it and she replies, "It's an interesting report loaded with sexual statistics. It points out that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest diameter. By the way my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto, Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."

You're in New York City

You Know You're in New York City When:

1. Nuns walk down the street carrying automatic weapons.
2. You can run into the corner deli and have an eat-in lunch with dessert in the time it takes to cross the intersection of 8th and 42nd at rush hour.
3. A flying saucer can pass overhead and you hear the locals say, "Ack. More damned aliens."
4. The aroma of smoked meat is able to counteract the smell of smog and pollution.
5. The priest in the cadillac behind you gives you the finger for cutting him off.
6. You pass a convenience store advertising "Free green cards, no questions asked."
7. The gas station attendants actually speak English.
8. The unearthly pounding of the cranked up bass in the El Camino next to you is drowned out by the cabshonking their horns.
9. A person with rainbow striped hair can pass by without anyone staring.
10. The bumper sticker on the senior citizen's car in front of you reads, "Warning: I break for pedestrians."