German Clock Maker

Q: What did the German clockmaker say to the clock that only went 'tick, tick,tick'?
A: 'Ve haff vays of making you tock!'

Role Reversal

A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. On previous visits she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands.
She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! She approached one of the women for an explanation, "What enabled women here to achieve this marvellous reversal of roles?"
"Land mines," replied the Kuwaiti woman.

Two Irish Men in A bar

There were two guys at a bar. They were making small talk and realized a couple of interesting things.. this is how their conversation went.
Guy 1: Yah.. I'm originally from Dublin, Ireland
Guy 2: Really?! Me too!
Guy 1: I went to O'Malley high school.
Guy 2 : I did too! What year did you graduate?
Guy 1: 1988!
Guy 2: Same here!
A guy sitting next to them was amazed how they grew up together and didn't know it. He asked the bar tender, who was friends with both of them if the two irish guys knew each other. The bar tender replied,  " Yeah. It looks like the Donohue Twins are drunk again."