Blonde - Twins

A couple is trying to have a baby. Finally, the blonde tells her husband, "Honey, I have great news! We're pregnant, and we're having twins!" The husband is overjoyed and says to his wife, "Honey that's wonderful, but how do you know so soon that we're having twins?" She nods her head and says, "Well, I bought the twin pack pregnancy test and they both came out positive!"

Thermometers

Q: What's the difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer?
A: The taste!

The Doctor Backs Away

Don't you just hate it when you go to the doctor, and you're sitting on the examination table telling him about your symptoms, and with each new one you describe, he backs a little further away?