Missing Baby

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.  One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.  The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"  Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

Leaving the Hospital

Q: How does herpes leave the hospital?
A: On crotches.

Terrible Doctor Check Up

A man goes to the doctor and gets a check up. The doctor finishes the exam and tells the man, "I have some bad news, you only have about two weeks left to live." The man is shocked. He asks the doctor, "Is there is any thing that you can do to make the time that I have left more tolerable?" The doctor thinks for a moment. "There is one thing that you could do." "Just name it, I'll do whatever it is." He tells the man to take a lot of mud baths, two or three a day. The man looks at his doctor asks, "Will that help my condition?" The doctor says, "No, but it will get you used to the dirt."