Blind Pirate

Q: How can you identify an blind pirate?
A: He's the one with patches over both eyes.

Priorities

Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one is blind and the other appears normal. A couple of minutes later, God walks in to get a beer. He sees the guys and decides to have compassion on them. He touches the blind guy on the forehead, and his sight is restored. He touches the man in the wheelchair and the guy jumps up and walks away. He walks to the last guy and the guy yells, 'Whoa, God! I'm on workman's comp!'

Cone Deaf

I was completely shocked today when my doctor told me I was color blind.
It came completely out of the green.