Not the Fall

It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.

Princess Diana Had Dandruff

Q: How do you know Princess Diana had dandruff?
A: They found her head and shoulders in the front seat.

Aggie, Longhorn and Bug Eater

There was an Aggie, a Longhorn, and a Bug Eater. They attempted to rob a bank but got caught. They went to court and were sentenced to the electric chair. The guys operating it told them that if they survived they were free to go. The Longhorn went first. They asked him if he had any last words to say. He told them no. He pressed the button and nothing happened so he was free to go. The bug eater went next. They asked him if he had any last words to say. He said no and pressed the button. Nothing happened and he was free to go. The Aggie went next. They asked him if he had any last words. "I think if you plug the chair in, it'll work better."