Tiger & Diana

Q: What does Tiger Woods have that Princess Diana didn't?
A: A good driver.

Sign Fell

On a very cold night, a young man dropped into the local brothel and the madam said, "You'll have to wait." The man replied; "But there's lots of girls that aren't busy right now." "Yes, but several of the rooms are closed for repairs." "Listen, I'm pretty desperate. I don't need a room." So she takes his money and he goes upstairs with one of the staff and, after looking for a place to consummate the transaction, they decide to do it on the roof. However, as was stated before, it's a very cold night, and they freeze to death and fall to the sidewalk. A passing drunk looks them over, staggers to the door, and knocks. "Go away!" says the madam. "We don't allow drunks in here!" "I don't want in," says the drunk. "I just wanted to tell you that your sign fell down."

Heaven's Gate Culters

Q: You know about the 39 Heaven's Gate culters who killed themselves?
A: They found another one underneath the sink... behind the Comet.