The Irishman's Last Stand

There was an Irishman, a New Zealand man and an American man standing on the roof of a building, with an awning below them.
The American said to the Irishman: "I bet I could jump off this roof, land on the awning and bounce back off." So he jumped off, hit the awning, and was soon back on the roof. "There. Now you try," he said to the Irishman.
So the Irishman jumped off, and fell SPLAT on the ground. The New Zealander said to the American: "Jeez, Superman, you are a real jerk sometimes!"

Pumpkin Carving

Getting in the mood for Halloween. I've just carved up a pumpkin.
That kid regretted his costume choice.

CPR

Last night I was at the bar when the waitress screamed...
"Anyone know CPR?"
I said, "Hell, I know the entire alphabet!"
Everyone laughed.
Well, except one guy.