Signs Christmas Has Become To Commercial

• You don't recall that line from It's A Wonderful Life saying, "Every time a cash register rings, a customer enjoys never-before year-end savings at Try-N-Save!"
• Your kid makes a fortune trading in "Elmo futures."
• Salad Shooter in hand, Michael Jordan shows up as the honorary "4th wise man" in new nativity scenes.
• The impossible-to-get "Tickle Me Jesus". 
• Santa's Coyote/Ford-powered sleigh came in second in this year's Indy 500.
• Wise Men now arrive carrying Faux Gold, The Clapper and a Chia Pet.
• WWF presents "Oh, Holy Night" Cage Match pitting, The Three Wise Men against Jumping Joseph, Manic Mary and the Dangerous Manger Boy!
• Santa goes to Yankees in blockbuster trade for the slightly heavier Cecil Fielder.
• Rudolph demands Holiday Pay or he walks.
• Santa's North Pole operation announces a corporate downsizing amidst rumors that the Elf Division will be sold off to Keebler.
• Reindeer rights purchase by Disney results in odd-sounding, "On Doc, on Happy, on Grumpy, on Sneezy. Now Bashful, now Dopey, now Eisner and Sleepy."
• $, the holiday formerly known as Christmas.
• Rather large Nike logo emblazoned across His Holiness's pointy hat during Midnight Mass at St. Peter's.
• The Baby GAP's line of Swaddling Clothes (TM)
• Michael Jackson buys all rights to the phrase "Ho, Ho, Ho" -- an injunction limits Santa to "a bemused facial expression and laughter not exceeding two syllables."
• Image of Virgin Mary appears in Dennis Rodman's hair.

Harambe at MadTree

Harambe and a friend walk into the taproom at MadTree Brewing in Cincinnati. After quite a few drinks, Harambe asks for a final mug of Happy Amber, his favorite brew. His friend says, "Dude, you've had too much today. Just get some ice to suck on for a while until we leave." Harambe nods his agreement, and the bartender says, "So, just ice?"
His friend says, "Yep, just ice for Harambe."

It's Only a Movie

Q: How do you spell coward?
A: S-O-N-Y