The Yuppie, Dink, Rub, and Wife

Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, young, urban, professional." The second guy says, "I'm a DINK. You know, double income, no kids." The third guy says, "I'm a RUB. You know, rich urban biker." They turn to the woman and ask, "So what are you?" The woman replies, "I'm a WIFE. You know - Wash, Iron, F***, Etc."

Bartender Payback

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, sir. That'll be 1 cent."
"One cent?! That's awesome!" exclaimed the guy. He glances over the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with the works?"
"Certainly, sir. That'll be four cents," replies the bartender.
"Four cents!?" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
"What's he doing with your wife?"
The bartender replies... "Same as I'm doing to his business."

7 Shots of Vodka!

Man goes to the bar and says "bartender, give me 7 shots of Vodka." The bartender says "Ok, but pal you are gonna hurt yourself with that." The man says "Just pour them." The man takes the first shot and the bartender says "Hey, you want to talk about it?" The man says "No!" and drinks the next 2 shots. The bartender says "Come on and tell me about it I've got a good ear, that's why a lot of people come here for, to tell their troubles." The man by then has finished the 7 shots and says "Ok, today was my first blow job." The bartender says "Hey great, have another on the house." The man says "No, if 7 doesn't get the taste out, nothing will!"