The Yuppie, Dink, Rub, and Wife

Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, young, urban, professional." The second guy says, "I'm a DINK. You know, double income, no kids." The third guy says, "I'm a RUB. You know, rich urban biker." They turn to the woman and ask, "So what are you?" The woman replies, "I'm a WIFE. You know - Wash, Iron, F***, Etc."

Three Girls

There were three girls in a bar. One girl says, "I can get a whole hand up my vagina!"
Then the second girl says, "Well, I can get a whole foot up mine!"
Finally, the other girl says, "I don't mean to brag, but could you help me off this stool!"

Beer Festival - Bar Visit

After the Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
Ricardo from Grupo Modelo sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
Luiz from Anheuser-Busch says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
Mark from Molson Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
Kenny from MadTree Brewing sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Kenny, why aren't you drinking a Happy Amber?" and Kenny replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."