Black Eyes

A regular at Bob's Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful. "Whoa, Sam!" said the bartender. "Who gave those beauties to you?" "Nobody gave them to me," said Sam. "I had to fight like crazy for both of them."

Mixology

I was always told never to mix my drinks.
Probably why I lost my job at the cocktail bar.

Bar Offense

A man wearing a Democratic pin walks into a bar and sees a picture of President Trump hanging behind the bartender. He calls the bartender over and says, "You should take that picture down. Donald Trump is a blight upon this nation. He should be impeached." The bartender, a life-long Republican, is completely offended. "Why you liberal piece of garbage. How dare you come into my bar and tell me how to run my business!" "Listen, I'm the customer, so I'm always right." the man says. "That picture offends me, so I want you to take it down." "That tears it," the bartender says, "How would you like it if I came into your bar and told you what to do?" "Well, you'd be the customer, so you'd be right," the man says. "Fine, then let's switch places," the bartender says. So, they do. The man takes the bartender's place behind the bar, and the bartender walks outside, waits a moment, and then comes back inside. The bartender sits at the bar and says to the bar, "You should take that pin off. The Democrats are destroying our country with their liberal agenda." "Sorry," the man says, "but we don't serve Republicans here."