Dog's Letters To God

• Dear God, Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, The colt, the stingray and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle?
• Dear God, Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are their priorities?
• Dear God, When we get to heaven can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
• Dear God, More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
• Dear God, Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the Schnauzer across the street.
• Dear God, Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Personal Trainer

I have a personal trainer. She makes me chase rabbits though the woods three times a day at a dead run. Also, she has 4 legs and a tail.

Results of a Helping Hand

A man and his son walk in the park and come upon two dogs humping. The son asks, "Dad what are those dogs doing?" The dad says, "Well, the dog on top must have hurt his two front paws, and that dog on the bottom is helping him home." The son turns to his father and says, "It figures -- every time you try to help someone out, you always get screwed."