Results of a Helping Hand

A man and his son walk in the park and come upon two dogs humping. The son asks, "Dad what are those dogs doing?" The dad says, "Well, the dog on top must have hurt his two front paws, and that dog on the bottom is helping him home." The son turns to his father and says, "It figures -- every time you try to help someone out, you always get screwed."

Come In

A Jehovah's Witness knocked on the front door of a home, and heard a faint, high pitched, "Come In". He tried the door and it was locked, so he went around to the back door. He knocked again and heard again the high pitched "Come In". As he entered the kitchen a large, mean, snarling Doberman met him. As he plastered himself against the wall he called out for help. Again, he heard the "Come In". He slid down the wall to the living room to see a parrot in a cage. He said, "For Pete's sake, is that all you can say is 'Come In'?!" The parrot laughed and said "Sic him!"

A Good Chess Player

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" He exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen." "Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."