Talking Dog

A guy walks into a bar with his dog. They both go up to the barstool and sit down. The owner orders two beers. The bartender just frowns and says, "Look buddy, we can't have any dogs sitting up at the bar."  The owner retorts, "But this is no ordinary dog." The bartender doesn't budge from his stance and tells the guy to leave.  The owner protests, "Look, this is no ordinary dog. This is a talking dog."  The bartender says, "Yeah right buddy. Okay, why don't you and your talking dog leave the bar?" 
The owner says, "Okay, I'll tell you what. I'll go into the bathroom and take a leak. You can talk to my dog while I go. If you still want us to leave when I get back, we will."  So the owner leaves. And the dog and the bartender start talking it up like they are long lost friends. The bartender starts to really like this dog. They are talking about sports and beer and women. So the bartender comes up with an idea. He turns to the dog and says, "Look, I have a friend who owns the bar across the street. If I give you $20 will you go into the bar and order a beer from him?" The dog says, "No problem", and gets up and leaves.The owner comes back and ask where his dog is. The bartender explains about the joke. So the owner leaves to get his dog.  Right out of the bar, the owner sees his dog humping another lady dog. And the owner says, "Hey, get off of her. Why have I never seen you doing this before?" To which the dog replies, "Because I have never had $20 before."

Favorites

My girlfriend's dog came running up to us for a cuddle. "I love you Freddy," she said, stroking his fur. "I love him more than you," I replied. She said, "I don't think so, I definitely love him most." I said, "You misunderstood me."

Owe Yo Mama

How much do I owe Yo' Mama? My dog came home happy last night.