George In the Jungle

George of the Jungle lived all alone in the jungle with no other people. Since there were no other people, George had no one to have sex with and instead screwed a hole in a tree everyday. One day, he found a woman, an abandoned orphan like himself, in the jungle and the call to do the wild thing became too much. Soon, they were making out and getting pretty hot 'n' heavy -- until George kicked the woman in the crotch. "Why did you do that?" she exclaimed. "Must check for squirrels."

A Cat's Favorite T.V. Show

Q: What is the cat's favorite T.V. show?
A: The evening mews!

Don't Step On the Ducks

One night I dreamed I went to heaven. When I got there, St. Peter was waiting on me. He said, "Before we go in I need to tell you, don't step on the ducks!" So we walked in and I saw ducks EVERYWHERE! St. Peter was showing me around and we got pretty far when I saw a woman tied to a stinky man. Very very stinky. I asked, "Why are they tied together?" St. Peter said, "Because she stepped on a duck." So we walked a little more and we saw another woman tied to a very very VERY stinky man. I asked, "Why are they tied together?" St. Peter said, "Because she stepped on 2 ducks." So we went a little farther and I saw Hillary Clinton tied to a very handsome man. I said, "Well she must have done something really good." St. Peter said, "Nope, he stepped on a duck."