Farmer Petrovich

Farmer Petrovich is whipping and slapping his sheep when the local minister comes walking around the corner. The minister says, "My, Farmer Petrovich, you're certainly giving that sheep a beating. You wouldn't do that to your wife, would you?" The farmer says, "I would if she farted and jumped sideways every time I tried to mount her!"

For 40 years

Two neighbors had been fighting each other for  four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog. So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house. Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the18-wheeler. 'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemnly.

George In the Jungle

George of the Jungle lived all alone in the jungle with no other people. Since there were no other people, George had no one to have sex with and instead screwed a hole in a tree everyday. One day, he found a woman, an abandoned orphan like himself, in the jungle and the call to do the wild thing became too much. Soon, they were making out and getting pretty hot 'n' heavy -- until George kicked the woman in the crotch. "Why did you do that?" she exclaimed. "Must check for squirrels."