Boasting about Race Records

Some race horses were staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"
Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"
"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"
The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."

A Little Yarn

Q: What did the wife spider say to her husband when he tried to explain why he was late?
A: Your spinning me a yarn here!

Monkey Booty Call

I love a female who's not afraid to pick the nits out of her own fur.