Centipede Itch

Q: What is worse than an alligator with toothache?
A: A centipede with athlete's foot!

Centipede Walk

Q: What goes 99-clonk, 99-clonk, 99-clonk?
A: A centipede with a wooden leg!

Couple's Round of Golf

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife," he tells the doctor, "when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and I noticed one of the cows had something white in its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball stuck right in the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake." "What did you do?" asks the doctor. "Well, as I was standing there holding up the tail, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'"