Carpool Lane

How to dodge a ticket: if you get caught in the carpool lane by yourself, just tell the cop you're schizophrenic.

Dealing with criminals

A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife. "You just won't believe what happened this evening , in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it." "Oh yes dear, what happened ?" "I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks." "Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!! What did you do with them ?" "Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."

Why Ask Why

• Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
• Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
• Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
• When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
• If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
• Why is the word abbreviation so long?
• Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
• If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
• Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
• If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?