Partner Needs a Vacation

Signs Your Partner Needs A Vacation
9. Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren.
8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good in a collar.
7. He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot.
6. He talk to himself. Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half is the "bad cop".
5. He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat.
4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers.
3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his relationship troubles.
2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel.
1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!

Tailgating

A man was driving home from work and approached an intersection. The light turned yellow just in front of him. He stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
A tailgating woman behind him was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, giving the guy in front of you the finger and cursing at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally I assumed you had stolen the car."

Billy-Bob and Billi-Jo

It is 10:00 at the police station and there is only 2 officers working that day... Billy-Bob and Billi-Jo.
Billy-Bob: Hey Billi-Jo... can i stick my finger in your belly-button?
Billi-Jo: Sure Billy-Bob!
Now its 11:00 at the police station...
Billy-Bob: Hey Billi-Jo... can i stick my finger in your belly-button?
Billi-Jo: Sure Billy-Bob!
Now its midnight... and the power goes out...!!
Billy-Bob: Hey Billi-Jo... can i stick my finger in your belly-button?
Billi-Jo: Sure Billy-Bob!... wait?! Billy-Bob thats not my belly-button.
Billy-Bob: I know... and thats not my finger!!