Good News And Bad News

Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.
Patient: What happened?
Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Patient: Give me the bad news first.
Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.
Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.

Intensive Care Phenomenon

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning at 2 AM, regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. Why the death? So the doctors decide to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 2 AM, all doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil. Just when the clock struck 2... Jimmy O'Leary, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Strawberry and Cream

A man walks into his doctor's office and whines, "Doc, you've got to help me; I've got a strawberry stuck up my ass."
The doctor pulls out his prescription pad and says, "I've got cream for that!"