The Oldest Lawyer

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is it for the express degree you told me about?" "It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?"  "That's my business! Get me the course!"  Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid.  Suddenly, the old man was racked with fits of coughing and it was clear that this would be the end.  Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, "please, before it's too late, tell me why you wanted to to get a law degree so badly before you died?"  In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said, "One less lawyer . . ."

Billy's Father and His Mystery Occupation

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"  Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."  "That's wonderful.  How about you, Amie?" Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."  "Thank you, Amie," said the teacher.  "What about your father, Billy?"  Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy murders people, steals from them, and drinks."  The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day, she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.  Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

Irish Lawyers

Q: Why are there so few Irish lawyers?
A: The majority of them can't pass the bar!