Farmer Brown's Son

One day, Farmer Brown went behind his barn and found to his dismay that his son, Jeb, was jerking off. He vowed to his son that he was going to help him find a wife, so he would not have to be doing this. Sure enough, the father was able to find a suitable bride just right down the road and the couple was married shortly thereafter. Six weeks later the farmer was again going behind the barn and caught his son vigorously jerking off. The farmer went berzerk. "Why are you still doing this, why aren't you with your wife?" "Aw Paw," said the son, "Her little old arm gets so tired."

Killed Your Rooster!

A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car followed by a large cloud of feathers. Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse, and rang the door bell. A farmer appeared. The man, somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him" ."Suit yourself,"  the farmer replied, "the hens are round the back."

Cow Priced Like A Car

What would happen if we priced our "cows" using the same criteria the auto industry uses to price a "car"? A farmer had been taken several times by the local car dealer. One day, the car dealer informed the farmer that he was coming over to purchase a cow. The farmer priced his unit as follows:

• Basic cow...$499.99
• Shipping and handling...35.75
• Extra Stomach...79.25
• Two Tone Exterior...142.10
• Produce Storage Compartment...126.50
• Heavy Duty Straw Chomper...189.60
• Four Spigot/High Output Drain System...149.20
• Automatic Fly Swatter...88.50
• Genuine Cowhide Upholstery...179.90
• Deluxe Dual Horns...59.25
• Automatic Fertilizer Attachment...339.40
• 4X4 Traction Drive Assembly...884.16
• Pre-delivery Wash and Comb...69.80

FARMER'S SUGGESTED LIST PRICE:...$2,843.30
Additional Dealer Adjustments: ...300.00
TOTAL LIST PRICE (Including Options).........$3,143.36