Cow Priced Like A Car

What would happen if we priced our "cows" using the same criteria the auto industry uses to price a "car"? A farmer had been taken several times by the local car dealer. One day, the car dealer informed the farmer that he was coming over to purchase a cow. The farmer priced his unit as follows:

• Basic cow...$499.99
• Shipping and handling...35.75
• Extra Stomach...79.25
• Two Tone Exterior...142.10
• Produce Storage Compartment...126.50
• Heavy Duty Straw Chomper...189.60
• Four Spigot/High Output Drain System...149.20
• Automatic Fly Swatter...88.50
• Genuine Cowhide Upholstery...179.90
• Deluxe Dual Horns...59.25
• Automatic Fertilizer Attachment...339.40
• 4X4 Traction Drive Assembly...884.16
• Pre-delivery Wash and Comb...69.80

FARMER'S SUGGESTED LIST PRICE:...$2,843.30
Additional Dealer Adjustments: ...300.00
TOTAL LIST PRICE (Including Options).........$3,143.36

Guessing Game

A blonde dyed her hair brown because she was tired of being picked on. She was driving along the countryside when she got a bright idea and stopped at a nearby farm. She said to the farmer, "If I can tell you how many sheep you have in total can I have one?" "Okay," said the farmer. So she quickly counted them and said, "91." The farmer looked around astonished and said, "Alright take one." As she was walking back to her car the farmer said, "If I can guess your natural hair color can I have my dog back?"

And How Are You

A lone tourist who is passing through the suburbs on the way to town, unfortunately experiences mechanical problems with his automobile. The car stalls and the tourist parks the car by the side of the road and waits for help. Not much later, a farmer happens to pass by with a truck full of farm animals. The farmer offers the tourist a lift to town and proceeds to explain that he is bringing his farm animals to the town market, where they will be auctioned off to the highest bidders. Well, it so happens that on the way to the town, the farmer being so engrossed in his story, unintentionally wanders into the other side of road where another vehicle is approaching in the other direction. The farmer realizes his absent mindedness and attempts to avoid the possible collision with the other vehicle. He just misses the other car, but unfortunately crashes the truck into the side of the road. The tourist winds up thrown into a ditch and suffers broken ribs and a broken arm and leg and is obviously in extreme pain. The farm animals are all messed up very badly and the farmer, although remaining inside the vehicle, still suffers cuts and scrapes. The farmer gets out of the truck and looks at his farm animals. The chickens all have broken limbs and can barely move. "These chickens are all useless! Nobody will want to buy these chickens anymore!" bellows the farmer. With that, he grabs and loads his shotgun and blows away the chickens. Next, he sees the pigs and they are all lame and bleeding profusely. "These pigs are all worthless now! I'll get nothing for them!" yells the farmer. With great rage, the farmer reloads his shotgun and blows away the pigs. The farmer looks at the sheep and they all have broken limbs and their wool is all bloodied. "Worthless sheep!" screams the farmer and with that, he reloads his shotgun and blows away the sheep. Meanwhile, the injured tourist witnesses all of this carnage in great horror. The farmer then moves over to the side of the ditch and looks at the tourist. "Are you okay down there?" asked the farmer. "NEVER FELT BETTER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!" the tourist yelled back.