Profession Jokes - Farmer Jokes

Explaining His Claim

A farmer who's been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim. "I understand you're claiming damages for the injuries you're supposed to have suffered?" Stated the counsel for the insurance company. "Yes, that's right," replied the farmer, nodding his head. "You claim you were injured in the accident, yet I have a signed police statement that says that when the attending police officer asked you how you were feeling, you replied, 'I've never felt better in my life.' Is that the case?" "Yeah, but" stammered the farmer. "A simple yes or not will suffice," counsel interrupted quickly. "Yes," Replied the farmer. Then it was the turn of the farmer's counsel to ask him questions. "Please tell the court the exact circumstance of events following the accident when you made your statement of health," his lawyer said. "Certainly," replied the farmer. "After the accident my horse was thrashing around with a broken leg and my poor old dog was howling in pain. This cop comes along, takes one look at my horse and shoots him dead. "Then he goes over to my dog, looks at him and shoots him dead too. Then he come straight over to me and asked me how I was feeling. "Now, what the heck would you have said to him?"

Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Fast Thinking

An elderly  man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for  several years. He had  a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped  for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic  tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and  peach trees. One  evening the old farmer decided to go down to the  pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and  look it over.
He  grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some  fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard  voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he  came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young  women skinny-dipping in his  pond.
He  made the women aware of his presence and they  all went to the deep end. One of  the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out  until you leave!' The old man  frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you  ladies swim naked or make you get out of the  pond naked.' Holding  the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the  alligator...'
Some old men can still think  fast..

Anonymous

Muldoon's Dog

A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside with a pet dog which he loved and doted on. After many long years of companionship, the dog finally died so Muldoon went to the parish priest: "Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you say a mass for the creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I am so very sorry to hear about your dog`s death, but, unfortunately we cannot have services for an animal in the church. However, there`s a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." Muldoon said, "I'll go right now. Do you think $500 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Patrick: "$500? - Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?!"

Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous
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