Cattle Count

Q: What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?
A: Use a cowculator!

Farmer's Pig Pen

An old farmer and his wife had a bunch of pigs, and every morning the farmer would head out to feed them. And every morning, he would see all the pigs screwing up a storm. He would get turned on by this and try to get back to the house in time to screw his wife -- but he always got soft before he got there. So one day, he took his hatchet and headed out to the pig pen. "No!" said his wife. "Don't kill those pigs!" "I'm not going to kill them. I'm moving the pen closer to the house."

Farmer and Old Joe

A farmer is in the middle of plowing his field when his tractor runs out of gas. He needs to get back to the farm, but it's too far for him and his dog, Old Joe, to walk. He wanders out to the road and flags down a sports car. The driver says, "I'll give you a ride, but that dog can't get in my car." The farmer says, "Don't worry. Old Joe will keep up." The driver decides to show off and open up the engine for max speed. Just as he's going into fifth gear, he looks out the window and sees Old Joe right beside him. In amazement, he slams on the brakes and Old Joe comes to a halt. The driver jumps out, exclaiming, "He's the most incredible dog I've ever seen! Is there something special about that collar he's wearing?" The farmer shakes his head and says, "That's not a collar. That's his a**hole. He's not used to stopping that fast."