Barn Story

This guy was really sleepy and needed a place to stay for the night. So he sees this barn up the road and asks the owner if he can stay in his barn for the night.
"Sure," says the farmer, "as long as you promise not to stick your winky into the three holes." The man promises, and the farmer leaves him there. Of course, he can't resist, and the farmer is woken up in the middle of the night by screams coming from the barn. The farmer goes down and finds the guy stuck in the third hole.
"What are in these holes?" the guy screams.
"Well," says the farmer, "one of them's my daughter, one's my cow, and one of them's an automatic milking machine that doesn't stop until it gets five gallons."

Lacking all religion

A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul, the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord my good man?"  Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer replied, "Naw, these are soybeans."  "You don't understand," said the preacher. "Are you a Christian?".  With the same amount of interest as his previous answer the farmer said, "Nope my name is Jones. You must be looking for Jim Christian. He lives a mile south of here." 
The young, determined preacher tried again asking the farmer, "Are you lost?".  "Naw! I've lived here all my life," answered the farmer.  "Are you prepared for the resurrection?", the frustrated preacher asked.  This caught the farmer's attention and he asked, "When's it gonna be?".  Thinking he had accomplished something the young preacher replied, "It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day."  Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer remarked, "Well, don't mention it to my wife. She don't get out much and she'll wanna go all three days."

Sexy Farm Music

A farmer goes to the flea market and buys a brown chicken and a brown cow. The guy behind the desk hand him his change and burst out laughing. "What's so funny?" asks the farmer. "Brown-chick-a-brown-cow!"