Feeling Guilty

Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear that small inner voice trying to reassure him, "Howard. Don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won't be the last." But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality, "Howard. You're a veterinarian."

Quite the Good Guess

The teacher noticed that Al had been daydreaming for a long time. She decided to get his attention. " Al," she said, "If the world is 25,000 miles around and eggs are sixty cents a dozen, how old am I? " Thirty-four," Al answered unhesitatingly. The teacher replied, "Well, that's not far from my actual age. Tell me... how did you guess?" "Oh, there's nothing to it," Al said. "My big sister is seventeen and she's only half-crazy."
 

Half of Everything

Three guys are walking in an abandoned warehouse. They find a genie bottle. They decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says, "I will grant you each one wish, but there's a catch. Whatever you wish for, a lawyer will get 2 times more than that." The first guy says, "I want a million dollars." The genie says, "Are you sure?" He says yes. *poof* The guy has one million dollars, and a lawyer gets two million. The second guy says "I want a new car." The genie says, "A lawyer is getting two new cars then." The guy says, "Oh well. I want my car." *poof* He has a new porche. The third guy says, "I want to be beaten half to death."